Nervous Girl

Lately, the attendance at my meeting has dropped. When I started my meeting, about 6 to 8 people attended. During the summer attendance dropped, but it increased again around Thanksgiving. This past year the pattern has remained the same -- sort of, anyway. Last night at my meeting, no one attended except me. I sat in the room, listening to the sound of silence and the occasional chirp of a cricket. After half an hour, I decided to go home. As I drove home, I had fearful thoughts. Maybe people didn't like my meetings, maybe the meetings were boring or I was boring, or they liked the other local meeting that takes place on a different night, or . . . and so on. Then I decided to come up with secure thoughts, thinking back to meetings I've attended for the last fourteen years. Attendance always ebbed and flowed, depending on the time of year (holidays, summer, spring break), the weather (too windy, too rainy, too hot), or any number of other variables in the outer enviro...

I started this post a while ago, but recently decided to overhaul my diet. I know I am not the first person to use RI to help control my eating habits, but I rarely hear anyone talk about it at a meeting, so I thought I'd share my ideas here. When I started attending Recovery meetings, I was at least 40 pounds overweight. I overate because of depression and anxiety and also as a result of the side effects of some medication. I wasn't exactly moving my muscles, either. After attending RI meetings for a month or so, I found myself in another program's meeting. At the break, a box of cheap cookies sat on the table next to the coffee. I eyed it. They weren't my favorite kind (oatmeal with icing), but suddenly, I felt hungry. I started to reach my hand toward the box and then I realized that I could control my muscles and not take the cookie. I could bear the discomfort of not eating the cookie. There was no danger if I did not eat that cookie, which I really didn't ...

About 10 months ago, I wrote here about trying to conceive (TTC). I realized it's not a triviality, but it I thought the Recovery Method could help me with the nervous symptoms it generated. Now, I still am TTC with no success. And recently, I had another disappointment. Needless to say, I was worked up, depressed, discouraged. A friend who knows I'm in this program told me to spot, but I just couldn't. Everything just seemed bleak to me. For three days, I really felt hopeless about the situation. I realized three days is not a long time to feel bad, but since I've been in Recovery, it's been a long time since I've had three solid days of feeling so rotten. Then I woke up today and felt okay. I could see a ray of light was starting to penetrate the gloom (how's that for tempermental lingo?). Now, I can finally spot on my symptoms and even on the situation itself. I really believe that because of my Recovery training, the symptoms lasted a shorter time ...

Recently, I've been listening to my collection of audio tapes of the book "Manage your Fears, Manage Your Anger." My husband started listening to them last week after a long hiatus away from the program. I used to listen to them from time to time, but they had gathered quite a bit of dust on the lower shelf of a organizing unit in my bedroom. Unfortunately, when I bought the tapes more than eight years ago, they weren't on CD. Now, however, they are on CD and RI recorded more than two chapters on most of them, so you don't have to buy so many. My husband called headquarters today and they told him that they just transferred the tapes to the CD format, which means that they're still the original taped lectures given by Dr. Low in the 1950s. Every time I listen to a tape, if I close my eyes (which I don't do if I'm listening to the tapes while I'm driving) I can imagine sitting in the audience in a lecture hall in Chicago almost 60 years ago with Dr....

I can't believe I will celebrate a birthday soon and mark more than 10 years of Recovery training as well in just a few days. When I came into Recovery in June 1999 I was overweight, chronically depressed, anxious and irritable. Each day, I took several medications for these and other nervous symptoms. I didn't think life had anything good in store for me and each day passed in a bland sort of misery. In the last 10 years, my life has improved in untold ways, mainly because of what I've learned in all those Recovery meetings I've attended plus the Recovery books and from the wisdom of the veteran members, those I've met and those from the early days of RI. And most of my days now are almost symptom free, or if I have symptoms, I spot on them and they're gone. Sometimes, though, they hang on and right now is one of those times. I'm going through some unusual events, which probably accounts for their tenacity. In RI, we learn that what's experienced seems...

I just purchased a copy of the latest RI book, "The Wisdom of Dr. Low: Words to Live By." This great resource has frequently-used and not so frequently used spots and quotations heard at Recovery meetings from four of Dr. Low's books. So, while at a meeting you might hear someone spot "the passion for self-distrust," you can open the book to the section on averageness, and read the sentences that precede it and put it into context. Plus, it gives readers the book and page from which the quotation originates. It also has quotes from "My Dear Ones," a biography about Dr. Low written by Neil and Margaret Rau. Whether you are new to Recovery or a veteran member, this resource is great because it organizes the quotations by topic, including averageness, beliefs, depression, obsessions, panic, self-diagnosis, self-help, sleep, temper, and trivialities, just to name a few. And it gives members insight into the program. I'd suggest that anyone who wants a ...

Last week, I wrote about a medical issue that has aspects of a nontriviality. However, there are certainly some events that are trivial and routine that are connected with the original problem. In my case, I emailed the doctor with some questions about my problem, and he called me back but just left a message. Then I tried the next day and he was out until Monday. Finally, I emailed him again, but I missed his reply that told me to call later that day. By this time, I was really frustrated and it was 2 a.m., which meant there was not much I could do about it. I applied my RI training and decided to email him again saying to please call me on my cell phone. I left the number. So instead, he called me at my home phone and left a message. Ugh. By this time I was anxious and irritated. So I again used my RI training and spotted that there was no danger, that I'd eventually reach him, and that I could bear the discomfort of missing his call. These are all spots, or slogans, that I'v...

For the last 10 years, I've used the Recovery, International method of self-help to keep the symptoms associated with my mental problems manageable. When I attended my first RI meeting, I was taking several psych meds -- a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, a major and minor tranquilizer, and sleeping medication -- each day to help me function. Problem was, none of them helped me much at all. All I seemed to get from them were side effects, including weight gain (about 40 pounds total), restlessness and agitation, dry mouth, nightmares, and dry skin to name just a few. I've spoken to other people who took medication and were helped by it, but I wasn't. I tried different medications and got some relief for maybe a week or month, and then I had panic attacks again and was overwhelmed by a deep depression. I felt completely hopeless and life became a sort of drudgery. Just a few months before I attended my first RI meeting, I consented to electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) bec...