Nervous Girl

It's been a while, but I'm still around -- just really busy. I guess it's good to be busy because it gives me the chance to practice objectivity. Or at least it's a distraction from what I'm really upset about. So I've had a few events of what we in RI might call "unusual circumstances." I really never found a specific definition of this term. If I had one of my books with me right now, I'd look it up and I apologize in advance for being so vague about it. In my mind, however, unusual circumstances means events that are still trivialities but might not be average everyday occurrences for every single person. For instance, if I have the flu, it's a triviality but still, I don't have the flu every day. I'll get to the point: so I had some circumstances that to me seemed unusual but not in the realm of the nontriviality. A few people I know were ill and then I had a personal disappointment. I started feeling lowered tones and getting irrit

Last May marked the eleventh anniversary of the first Recovery International meeting I attended. Back then, the name of the program was called Recovery, Incorporated. I only attended one meeting in May 1999 and didn't come back again until June of the same year. It took me a while to realize that the tools of Recovery could really help me and that I was not a hopeless case. That May, I had experienced a relapse of my nervous symptoms. My symptoms included anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings from deep depression (including suicidal symptoms) and hostile outbursts. I could not keep a job for more than a few weeks at a time. During the year prior to my first RI meeting, I had been hospitalized several times (I lost count but it was at least five times) for the above symptoms and even had ECT. After ECT, I felt marginally better and even started dating (I later married the man I was dating), but by May whatever relief I had received from the ECT had faded and I was just as depressed,

About 10 months ago, I wrote here about trying to conceive (TTC). I realized it's not a triviality, but it I thought the Recovery Method could help me with the nervous symptoms it generated. Now, I still am TTC with no success. And recently, I had another disappointment. Needless to say, I was worked up, depressed, discouraged. A friend who knows I'm in this program told me to spot, but I just couldn't. Everything just seemed bleak to me. For three days, I really felt hopeless about the situation. I realized three days is not a long time to feel bad, but since I've been in Recovery, it's been a long time since I've had three solid days of feeling so rotten. Then I woke up today and felt okay. I could see a ray of light was starting to penetrate the gloom (how's that for tempermental lingo?). Now, I can finally spot on my symptoms and even on the situation itself. I really believe that because of my Recovery training, the symptoms lasted a shorter time

Recently, I've been listening to my collection of audio tapes of the book "Manage your Fears, Manage Your Anger." My husband started listening to them last week after a long hiatus away from the program. I used to listen to them from time to time, but they had gathered quite a bit of dust on the lower shelf of a organizing unit in my bedroom. Unfortunately, when I bought the tapes more than eight years ago, they weren't on CD. Now, however, they are on CD and RI recorded more than two chapters on most of them, so you don't have to buy so many. My husband called headquarters today and they told him that they just transferred the tapes to the CD format, which means that they're still the original taped lectures given by Dr. Low in the 1950s. Every time I listen to a tape, if I close my eyes (which I don't do if I'm listening to the tapes while I'm driving) I can imagine sitting in the audience in a lecture hall in Chicago almost 60 years ago with Dr.

We were invited to go on a camping trip with a group of families we know. I haven't been camping much (only once since staring a family) and this particular trip would take us outside the realm of modern plumbing and running water. I had a few reservations about going and agonized over it for several days. To top it off, we were invited to two other events that same weekend. I am terrible about making decisions. I've struggled over decisions about what job to apply for, what job offer to take should I get offered another job later, what to eat for dinner, whether or not to eat dinner, what to wear to a party -- pretty much any decision anyone has had to make at one time or another. Big and little decisions alike throw me aback and cause me to shudder. Since attending my first Recovery meeting more than 10 years ago, decision making -- while still not on the list of my top 10 things to do -- has become a lot easier. Sometimes I just decide to "do the thing I fear and

So much has happened since the last time I blogged. First of all, happy New Year to everyone out there. If you've never attended a RI meeting but set a resolution to improve your mental health this year, an RI meeting is a great place to learn new coping skills and get the support you need to help yourself. At RI, you'll meet non-judgmental people, all of whom have experienced some type of mental illness or symptoms that interfered with their ability to function in the world. Whether they suffered from what's commonly referred to as "garden variety" nervous symptoms or an illness with label such as "major depression," "bipolar disorder," or "social anxiety disorder," everyone is welcome. At RI meetings, we don't focus on labels but rather on the everyday events, or trivialities, that upset us. I remember at my first meeting, sharing my particular label and nobody blinked an eye. The meeting wasn't about who was the most ill or