Sabotage or setback?

It's late at night and I should be asleep, not typing this, but I've wanted to get back to this for a while.

A couple of weeks ago, while reading PasUneSainte's blog, I found myself nodding along with the description of comparing oneself to others and "coming out on the losing end." I have angry temper, too, but mostly fearful temper. In the last few weeks, whether I'm at work or writing or posting an entry on a discussion board, I find myself looking at how many people are asking me questions (at work) or how successful and talented other writers are, or how many people are responding to my posts compared to other posts, or how soon people reply to my emails.

For me, comparing myself with others results in a great big wave of fearful temper filling me up like fast running water overfilling a glass pitcher. But in Recovery, we learn that "comparisons are odious and should be avoided." I keep imagining that everyone has conspired against me because they think I'm defective in some way, that something I've written or said or done has offended them or isn't acceptable.

These are the very thoughts that plagued me before I joined Recovery. I know now that I'm just indulging in the favorite pastime of the nervous person -- let's all say it together now -- "self torture." And I'm indulging in the thrills and chills of temper and filling my imagination with insecure thoughts. I want, as most nervous people do, to "be exceptional" but instead I fear I'm not even average.

How do I quell these thoughts? I use the Recovery training I've so graciously been given by all the Recovery members who have come before me. I choose secure thoughts and realize that I do not know what others are thinking about me (or not thinking).

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 3, 2009 at 6:22 PM

    Thank you for sharing your racing thoughts with us, Nervous Girl, and sharing how RI helps you change your thoughts. Keep endorsing so there's no room in the glass pitcher for that fearful temper. I really enjoy your blog posts.
    ~Pas Une Sainte

    ReplyDelete
  2. JAYJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:08 AM

    Your Blog is good for me...I can relate to these things...But I fear to share them with other's.I guess Thats fearful temper

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"The Wisdom of Dr. Low"

I just purchased a copy of the latest RI book, "The Wisdom of Dr. Low: Words to Live By." This great resource has frequently-used and not so frequently used spots and quotations heard at Recovery meetings from four of Dr. Low's books. So, while at a meeting you might hear someone spot "the passion for self-distrust," you can open the book to the section on averageness, and read the sentences that precede it and put it into context. Plus, it gives readers the book and page from which the quotation originates. It also has quotes from "My Dear Ones," a biography about Dr. Low written by Neil and Margaret Rau. Whether you are new to Recovery or a veteran member, this resource is great because it organizes the quotations by topic, including averageness, beliefs, depression, obsessions, panic, self-diagnosis, self-help, sleep, temper, and trivialities, just to name a few. And it gives members insight into the program. I'd suggest that anyone who wants a
Read more

Creativity, Exceptionalism, and Bearing the Discomfort

Here's a topic I wrote about last year but is still relevant to my life. I've met so many creative people in RI meetings: musicians, writers, actors, and artists of all types. Many earned their living in creative fields, but many more were probably like me: dreaming of having some kind of creative career. I imagine they all had symptoms when putting their work into the world, which is something you have to do if you ever want to get published (or reach any type of audience).  Years ago, before joining Recovery International, I never imagined a day when I'd even think about entering a writing contest. Even though I earned my B.A. degree in English with an emphasis in creative writing, I never submitted any of my writing anywhere. Ever. Between nervous symptoms and extreme doubt in my writing abilities based on instructors' opinions of my writing in undergraduate writing classes, I gave up on writing completely after graduating from college. A couple of months after jo
Read more

The 4th of July--A great opportunity to bear the discomfort

Wow, it's been almost a year since I last posted and so much has changed. A little over a week ago, I tripped while walking on the sidewalk and fractured my upper left arm.  I'm trying to type this blog by using voice-to-text software and also typing with one hand: an interesting combination and a way to toughen my nervous fiber. Because of the pandemic, many of us were able to avoid 4th of July gatherings last year. If you're anything like me, gatherings for holidays can create an environment in which symptoms explode like popcorn.  Later today, we are attending a small Fourth of July gathering at a relative's house. It will be held outside, and the complicating factor is that because I fractured my arm I'm still in a bit of pain and have to wear a sling, which makes me very warm. So now I have to sit outside on a patio all day where it will be pretty hot, and I will have to bear a lot of discomfort. I thought of some spots that might help me, which include "w
Read more