Sabotage or setback?

It's late at night and I should be asleep, not typing this, but I've wanted to get back to this for a while.

A couple of weeks ago, while reading PasUneSainte's blog, I found myself nodding along with the description of comparing oneself to others and "coming out on the losing end." I have angry temper, too, but mostly fearful temper. In the last few weeks, whether I'm at work or writing or posting an entry on a discussion board, I find myself looking at how many people are asking me questions (at work) or how successful and talented other writers are, or how many people are responding to my posts compared to other posts, or how soon people reply to my emails.

For me, comparing myself with others results in a great big wave of fearful temper filling me up like fast running water overfilling a glass pitcher. But in Recovery, we learn that "comparisons are odious and should be avoided." I keep imagining that everyone has conspired against me because they think I'm defective in some way, that something I've written or said or done has offended them or isn't acceptable.

These are the very thoughts that plagued me before I joined Recovery. I know now that I'm just indulging in the favorite pastime of the nervous person -- let's all say it together now -- "self torture." And I'm indulging in the thrills and chills of temper and filling my imagination with insecure thoughts. I want, as most nervous people do, to "be exceptional" but instead I fear I'm not even average.

How do I quell these thoughts? I use the Recovery training I've so graciously been given by all the Recovery members who have come before me. I choose secure thoughts and realize that I do not know what others are thinking about me (or not thinking).

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 3, 2009 at 6:22 PM

    Thank you for sharing your racing thoughts with us, Nervous Girl, and sharing how RI helps you change your thoughts. Keep endorsing so there's no room in the glass pitcher for that fearful temper. I really enjoy your blog posts.
    ~Pas Une Sainte

    ReplyDelete
  2. JAYJanuary 25, 2010 at 6:08 AM

    Your Blog is good for me...I can relate to these things...But I fear to share them with other's.I guess Thats fearful temper

    ReplyDelete

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