Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Making mistakes and the courage it takes
Recently, I posted about people I've either met at meetings or in my personal life who insist that their symptoms are far worse than mine and use that as an excuse to tell me why RI wouldn't help them. After I had posted it, I realized I made a mistake and that it could be hurtful to those people and so deleted it. Instead, I'd like to offer encouragement to anyone who feels that they could not be helped by RI because it seems too "simple" or "easy" and uncomplicated in today's world of complicated solutions to our problems or that it's not working quickly enough for them.
For many years I attended a meeting led by a very dear woman who often spotted at meetings that "Recovery is simple, but not easy." What that meant to me is that though the method itself is uncomplicated, it is not easy to spot on our symptoms because it requires a certain type of introspection that can be painful. It can be difficult to admit that our symptoms are average and that they aren't dangerous because some of us were told for many years either by professionals or friends or society that our symptoms are dangerous, that we should find a way to get rid of them immediately and if they come back, that's bad news. When attending our first RI meeting, we hear that "symptoms are distressing but not dangerous" and that "they'll rise and fall and run their course if we don't attach danger to them." We might hear that we are taking ourselves a little too seriously and think, "But my problems are serious, my symptoms are dangerous, and if they don't stop, I'll (fill in the blank with any number of desperate measures)." Basically, at our first meeting we might experience a challenge to our ideas of how the world is supposed to be. RI challenges us to change the way we think, to change our thoughts about ourselves and how we see the world. That can be scary, but it's worth it in order to reduce our symptoms to the point where we can not only solve our own problems and be what Dr. Low called "self-led" but we can change our thoughts and ultimately change our lives.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
RI and Overeating
I started this post a while ago, but recently decided to overhaul my diet. I know I am not the first person to use RI to help control my eating habits, but I rarely hear anyone talk about it at a meeting, so I thought I'd share my ideas here.
When I started attending Recovery meetings, I was at least 40 pounds overweight. I overate because of depression and anxiety and also as a result of the side effects of some medication. I wasn't exactly moving my muscles, either.
After attending RI meetings for a month or so, I found myself in another program's meeting. At the break, a box of cheap cookies sat on the table next to the coffee. I eyed it. They weren't my favorite kind (oatmeal with icing), but suddenly, I felt hungry. I started to reach my hand toward the box and then I realized that I could control my muscles and not take the cookie. I could bear the discomfort of not eating the cookie. There was no danger if I did not eat that cookie, which I really didn't like in the first place.
I applied this idea to many other eating situations. It worked. I also started moving my muscles more often and began to lose weight. I changed my diet further, and that helped, too. It took several years, but I lost about 40 to 45 pounds (I stopped weighing myself at a certain point but am certain I gained more afterward).
So, if you are dieting and trying to stop eating foods that you know to be unhealthy or fattening, look at some the Recovery tools you already use for other situations. I'm not saying these will help with an eating disorder, but these tools are very effective for controlling those overeating muscles.
When I started attending Recovery meetings, I was at least 40 pounds overweight. I overate because of depression and anxiety and also as a result of the side effects of some medication. I wasn't exactly moving my muscles, either.
After attending RI meetings for a month or so, I found myself in another program's meeting. At the break, a box of cheap cookies sat on the table next to the coffee. I eyed it. They weren't my favorite kind (oatmeal with icing), but suddenly, I felt hungry. I started to reach my hand toward the box and then I realized that I could control my muscles and not take the cookie. I could bear the discomfort of not eating the cookie. There was no danger if I did not eat that cookie, which I really didn't like in the first place.
I applied this idea to many other eating situations. It worked. I also started moving my muscles more often and began to lose weight. I changed my diet further, and that helped, too. It took several years, but I lost about 40 to 45 pounds (I stopped weighing myself at a certain point but am certain I gained more afterward).
So, if you are dieting and trying to stop eating foods that you know to be unhealthy or fattening, look at some the Recovery tools you already use for other situations. I'm not saying these will help with an eating disorder, but these tools are very effective for controlling those overeating muscles.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Attention Newcomers
Hi. It's been a while since I last posted anything here. I've been busy with work, married life, child rearing, etc. This in itself is amazing because when I started attending RI meetings almost 13 years ago, I didn't have anything to keep me busy.
I was recently married but my nervous symptoms interfered with the harmony at home. Shortly after getting married, I had a pretty bad setback that preceded a short hospitalization. My hubby and I were arguing a lot of the time, too.
Enter RI. A friend of mine tried it and claimed she wasn't having as many problems with angry outbursts. So I attended a meeting.
I hated it. That's right. I thought it was ridiculous. Nothing I heard made sense to me. What was this "angry temper" and "fearful temper" these people were talking about? What was spotting? To make matters worse, no one would answer my questions. They made me wait till the end of the meeting, and even then, I didn't get satisfactory answers. I was told to attend more meetings. The nerve.
Then I had my "setback," although that's not what I called it. But sitting on the hospital bed one day (or night) I realized that RI was my last chance. So I took it.
I attended meetings three or four times a week, sometimes more if I could (after all, I had nothing else to do, being unable to work). This was before spot sheets were allowed, so I learned the spots by repeating other people's spots. And I read the book as if it was the best thing ever written. And to me, it was. I underlined everything that applied to me, over and over again, and wrote notes in the margins. I still have the book. In some places, it is hard to read the printed words because of all the highlighting, underlining, and note taking I did.
The gist of all this? Keep coming back to meetings even if they bore you, you don't understand the format or the Recovery language, you're too tired, too scared, too depressed. Please keep attending meetings, as many as you can each week, at least for a month, maybe longer. Buy the books and read them: "Mental Health Through Will Training," "Selections," and "Manage Your Fears, Manage Your Anger." These three books replaced all the self-help books I bought in the previous decade. I still don't buy self-help books because everything I need is in these three. Go online. Join a chat or online meeting. Post an example on the discussion board. Go for it. You never know: you might end up with a whole new life, or at least a better one.
I was recently married but my nervous symptoms interfered with the harmony at home. Shortly after getting married, I had a pretty bad setback that preceded a short hospitalization. My hubby and I were arguing a lot of the time, too.
Enter RI. A friend of mine tried it and claimed she wasn't having as many problems with angry outbursts. So I attended a meeting.
I hated it. That's right. I thought it was ridiculous. Nothing I heard made sense to me. What was this "angry temper" and "fearful temper" these people were talking about? What was spotting? To make matters worse, no one would answer my questions. They made me wait till the end of the meeting, and even then, I didn't get satisfactory answers. I was told to attend more meetings. The nerve.
Then I had my "setback," although that's not what I called it. But sitting on the hospital bed one day (or night) I realized that RI was my last chance. So I took it.
I attended meetings three or four times a week, sometimes more if I could (after all, I had nothing else to do, being unable to work). This was before spot sheets were allowed, so I learned the spots by repeating other people's spots. And I read the book as if it was the best thing ever written. And to me, it was. I underlined everything that applied to me, over and over again, and wrote notes in the margins. I still have the book. In some places, it is hard to read the printed words because of all the highlighting, underlining, and note taking I did.
The gist of all this? Keep coming back to meetings even if they bore you, you don't understand the format or the Recovery language, you're too tired, too scared, too depressed. Please keep attending meetings, as many as you can each week, at least for a month, maybe longer. Buy the books and read them: "Mental Health Through Will Training," "Selections," and "Manage Your Fears, Manage Your Anger." These three books replaced all the self-help books I bought in the previous decade. I still don't buy self-help books because everything I need is in these three. Go online. Join a chat or online meeting. Post an example on the discussion board. Go for it. You never know: you might end up with a whole new life, or at least a better one.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Late Night Recovery Practice
Yikes. I noticed I haven't posted here in a l-o-n-g time. I've thought about it from time to time and didn't feel I had anything meaningful to say, but then again, if I wait for something I think is meaningful,
I'll never post or write anything. Perhaps I feel my writing should be exceptional but isn't even average.
I attended a meeting earlier tonight. I don't go to this one too often because it's right around dinner time on a Friday night and it's hard to break free from my family, but I also need to make a business of my mental health (for without it, I might not have a family). As it turned out, the meeting was exactly what I needed.
However, when I arrived at home, my husband seemed a bit upset and my child, a bit needy. I gave my child a bath and then we brushed the teeth. Afterward, we read in bed for a while. I called my mother, hoping my kid would actually fall asleep if I took long enough, but alas, that did not happen, so I spent the next 45 minutes or so in the bedroom waiting for sleep to descend upon one of us and thankfully, it didn't descend upon me.
I was hoping my husband would want to watch a DVD with me or spend a little quality time or at least chat a bit, but instead he wanted to snooze, not shmooze. And that is when I began to work myself up. I won't go over every single thought that ran through my head, but I did feel quite a bit sorry for myself and all alone in the house. I thought I'd sit in bed and read a book, but I couldn't settle myself. Then I saw the pile of clean yet still unfolded laundry in my bedroom and started to fold it, but that wasn't soothing, to say the least.
At last I started thinking and spotting. I remembered the chapter on sabotaging sleep in the book "Mental Health Through Will-Training." I realized that the word insomnia could be considered temperamental lingo and that if I decided to stay up and fold laundry for a while, of even go online and got less sleep than I had planned and hoped for, it would be distressing but not dangerous. Of course, I could also see the angry temper I had at my spouse for "abandoning me" (more temperamental lingo flitting through my mind) and fearful temper at making an irresponsible decision by staying up later than I should, but I dropped the judgment on both counts.
So here I am, rattling and prattling on and on about it. My hubby still snoozes on the couch and I'm typing up a storm, but we're both happy. Thank you, Dr. Low and the Recovery Method for saving another person from marital strife and a sleepless night.
I'll never post or write anything. Perhaps I feel my writing should be exceptional but isn't even average.
I attended a meeting earlier tonight. I don't go to this one too often because it's right around dinner time on a Friday night and it's hard to break free from my family, but I also need to make a business of my mental health (for without it, I might not have a family). As it turned out, the meeting was exactly what I needed.
However, when I arrived at home, my husband seemed a bit upset and my child, a bit needy. I gave my child a bath and then we brushed the teeth. Afterward, we read in bed for a while. I called my mother, hoping my kid would actually fall asleep if I took long enough, but alas, that did not happen, so I spent the next 45 minutes or so in the bedroom waiting for sleep to descend upon one of us and thankfully, it didn't descend upon me.
I was hoping my husband would want to watch a DVD with me or spend a little quality time or at least chat a bit, but instead he wanted to snooze, not shmooze. And that is when I began to work myself up. I won't go over every single thought that ran through my head, but I did feel quite a bit sorry for myself and all alone in the house. I thought I'd sit in bed and read a book, but I couldn't settle myself. Then I saw the pile of clean yet still unfolded laundry in my bedroom and started to fold it, but that wasn't soothing, to say the least.
At last I started thinking and spotting. I remembered the chapter on sabotaging sleep in the book "Mental Health Through Will-Training." I realized that the word insomnia could be considered temperamental lingo and that if I decided to stay up and fold laundry for a while, of even go online and got less sleep than I had planned and hoped for, it would be distressing but not dangerous. Of course, I could also see the angry temper I had at my spouse for "abandoning me" (more temperamental lingo flitting through my mind) and fearful temper at making an irresponsible decision by staying up later than I should, but I dropped the judgment on both counts.
So here I am, rattling and prattling on and on about it. My hubby still snoozes on the couch and I'm typing up a storm, but we're both happy. Thank you, Dr. Low and the Recovery Method for saving another person from marital strife and a sleepless night.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Unusual Circumstances require a meeting
It's been a while, but I'm still around -- just really busy. I guess it's good to be busy because it gives me the chance to practice objectivity. Or at least it's a distraction from what I'm really upset about.
So I've had a few events of what we in RI might call "unusual circumstances." I really never found a specific definition of this term. If I had one of my books with me right now, I'd look it up and I apologize in advance for being so vague about it. In my mind, however, unusual circumstances means events that are still trivialities but might not be average everyday occurrences for every single person. For instance, if I have the flu, it's a triviality but still, I don't have the flu every day.
I'll get to the point: so I had some circumstances that to me seemed unusual but not in the realm of the nontriviality. A few people I know were ill and then I had a personal disappointment. I started feeling lowered tones and getting irritable and a little panicky, too. I wanted to avoid letting these symptoms turn into a vicious cycle, so I decided to go to a meeting.
When I walked in the meeting room, several people had already gathered in a circle of chairs. Many of them were familiar faces. It wasn't my usual meeting, although I used to attend it regularly before starting my own meeting. After a few minutes of sitting there, I started to feel better. Giving my own example helped a lot, but listening to the other examples and spotting on those really helped me by becoming more objective. It's so much easier to see temper in someone else than in yourself, but then you find the spots apply to your circumstances -- usual or unusual -- as well.
By the end of the meeting, my lowered tones had vanished and along with it, my irritability as well. I still had to cope with some of the unusual circumstances, but they no longer felt as burdensome.
So I've had a few events of what we in RI might call "unusual circumstances." I really never found a specific definition of this term. If I had one of my books with me right now, I'd look it up and I apologize in advance for being so vague about it. In my mind, however, unusual circumstances means events that are still trivialities but might not be average everyday occurrences for every single person. For instance, if I have the flu, it's a triviality but still, I don't have the flu every day.
I'll get to the point: so I had some circumstances that to me seemed unusual but not in the realm of the nontriviality. A few people I know were ill and then I had a personal disappointment. I started feeling lowered tones and getting irritable and a little panicky, too. I wanted to avoid letting these symptoms turn into a vicious cycle, so I decided to go to a meeting.
When I walked in the meeting room, several people had already gathered in a circle of chairs. Many of them were familiar faces. It wasn't my usual meeting, although I used to attend it regularly before starting my own meeting. After a few minutes of sitting there, I started to feel better. Giving my own example helped a lot, but listening to the other examples and spotting on those really helped me by becoming more objective. It's so much easier to see temper in someone else than in yourself, but then you find the spots apply to your circumstances -- usual or unusual -- as well.
By the end of the meeting, my lowered tones had vanished and along with it, my irritability as well. I still had to cope with some of the unusual circumstances, but they no longer felt as burdensome.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Eleventh Year Anniversary
Last May marked the eleventh anniversary of the first Recovery International meeting I attended. Back then, the name of the program was called Recovery, Incorporated. I only attended one meeting in May 1999 and didn't come back again until June of the same year. It took me a while to realize that the tools of Recovery could really help me and that I was not a hopeless case.
That May, I had experienced a relapse of my nervous symptoms. My symptoms included anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings from deep depression (including suicidal symptoms) and hostile outbursts. I could not keep a job for more than a few weeks at a time. During the year prior to my first RI meeting, I had been hospitalized several times (I lost count but it was at least five times) for the above symptoms and even had ECT. After ECT, I felt marginally better and even started dating (I later married the man I was dating), but by May whatever relief I had received from the ECT had faded and I was just as depressed, anxious, and suicidal as before.
A friend from another support group was attending RI meetings and her improvement encouraged me to attend a meeting with her. The problem was, I was so distracted by my symptoms, I had no idea what was going on. (As a leader now, I share this experience with new members who sometimes express their frustration about not understanding the method.) Later that month, I had a relapse and ended up in the hospital for three days. While I was in the hospital, I decided to try RI one more time. Within a week of attending my second meeting, I was able to use the spots I had learned and work down my temper and symptoms.
Since then I've attended meetings regularly for eleven years. For the first two years, I probably attended five to six meetings a week, mostly with the friend who took me to my first meeting and also with my husband. My attendance slowed down a bit after the birth of my son in 2004 and now I lead a local meeting.
Luckily, there are now several online meetings and phone meetings, too, that I can attend should I feel the need to step up my attendance. I hope that anyone reading this who has not attended a RI meeting will sign up for the chat room right now and learn all you can about RI. "Do the thing you fear and dread to do" and "make a business of your mental health." Thanks, RI, for a wonderful eleven years.
That May, I had experienced a relapse of my nervous symptoms. My symptoms included anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings from deep depression (including suicidal symptoms) and hostile outbursts. I could not keep a job for more than a few weeks at a time. During the year prior to my first RI meeting, I had been hospitalized several times (I lost count but it was at least five times) for the above symptoms and even had ECT. After ECT, I felt marginally better and even started dating (I later married the man I was dating), but by May whatever relief I had received from the ECT had faded and I was just as depressed, anxious, and suicidal as before.
A friend from another support group was attending RI meetings and her improvement encouraged me to attend a meeting with her. The problem was, I was so distracted by my symptoms, I had no idea what was going on. (As a leader now, I share this experience with new members who sometimes express their frustration about not understanding the method.) Later that month, I had a relapse and ended up in the hospital for three days. While I was in the hospital, I decided to try RI one more time. Within a week of attending my second meeting, I was able to use the spots I had learned and work down my temper and symptoms.
Since then I've attended meetings regularly for eleven years. For the first two years, I probably attended five to six meetings a week, mostly with the friend who took me to my first meeting and also with my husband. My attendance slowed down a bit after the birth of my son in 2004 and now I lead a local meeting.
Luckily, there are now several online meetings and phone meetings, too, that I can attend should I feel the need to step up my attendance. I hope that anyone reading this who has not attended a RI meeting will sign up for the chat room right now and learn all you can about RI. "Do the thing you fear and dread to do" and "make a business of your mental health." Thanks, RI, for a wonderful eleven years.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
When it's hard to spot your temper
About 10 months ago, I wrote here about trying to conceive (TTC). I realized it's not a triviality, but it I thought the Recovery Method could help me with the nervous symptoms it generated.
Now, I still am TTC with no success. And recently, I had another disappointment. Needless to say, I was worked up, depressed, discouraged. A friend who knows I'm in this program told me to spot, but I just couldn't. Everything just seemed bleak to me.
For three days, I really felt hopeless about the situation. I realized three days is not a long time to feel bad, but since I've been in Recovery, it's been a long time since I've had three solid days of feeling so rotten.
Then I woke up today and felt okay. I could see a ray of light was starting to penetrate the gloom (how's that for tempermental lingo?). Now, I can finally spot on my symptoms and even on the situation itself. I really believe that because of my Recovery training, the symptoms lasted a shorter time and had less of an impact on my behavior. I'm so glad that I didn't give up and give in to the symptoms for very long.
Now, I still am TTC with no success. And recently, I had another disappointment. Needless to say, I was worked up, depressed, discouraged. A friend who knows I'm in this program told me to spot, but I just couldn't. Everything just seemed bleak to me.
For three days, I really felt hopeless about the situation. I realized three days is not a long time to feel bad, but since I've been in Recovery, it's been a long time since I've had three solid days of feeling so rotten.
Then I woke up today and felt okay. I could see a ray of light was starting to penetrate the gloom (how's that for tempermental lingo?). Now, I can finally spot on my symptoms and even on the situation itself. I really believe that because of my Recovery training, the symptoms lasted a shorter time and had less of an impact on my behavior. I'm so glad that I didn't give up and give in to the symptoms for very long.
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