Nervous Girl

Late Night Recovery Practice

2011-05-13T23:39:00.001-07:00

Yikes. I noticed I haven't posted here in a l-o-n-g time. I've thought about it from time to time and didn't feel I had anything meaningful to say, but then again, if I wait for something I think is meaningful,
I'll never post or write anything. Perhaps I feel my writing should be exceptional but isn't even average.

I attended a meeting earlier tonight. I don't go to this one too often because it's right around dinner time on a Friday night and it's hard to break free from my family, but I also need to make a business of my mental health (for without it, I might not have a family). As it turned out, the meeting was exactly what I needed.

However, when I arrived at home, my husband seemed a bit upset and my child, a bit needy. I gave my child a bath and then we brushed the teeth. Afterward, we read in bed for a while. I called my mother, hoping my kid would actually fall asleep if I took long enough, but alas, that did not happen, so I spent the next 45 minutes or so in the bedroom waiting for sleep to descend upon one of us and thankfully, it didn't descend upon me.

I was hoping my husband would want to watch a DVD with me or spend a little quality time or at least chat a bit, but instead he wanted to snooze, not shmooze. And that is when I began to work myself up. I won't go over every single thought that ran through my head, but I did feel quite a bit sorry for myself and all alone in the house. I thought I'd sit in bed and read a book, but I couldn't settle myself. Then I saw the pile of clean yet still unfolded laundry in my bedroom and started to fold it, but that wasn't soothing, to say the least.

At last I started thinking and spotting. I remembered the chapter on sabotaging sleep in the book "Mental Health Through Will-Training." I realized that the word insomnia could be considered temperamental lingo and that if I decided to stay up and fold laundry for a while, of even go online and got less sleep than I had planned and hoped for, it would be distressing but not dangerous. Of course, I could also see the angry temper I had at my spouse for "abandoning me" (more temperamental lingo flitting through my mind) and fearful temper at making an irresponsible decision by staying up later than I should, but I dropped the judgment on both counts.

So here I am, rattling and prattling on and on about it. My hubby still snoozes on the couch and I'm typing up a storm, but we're both happy. Thank you, Dr. Low and the Recovery Method for saving another person from marital strife and a sleepless night.

Unusual Circumstances require a meeting

2010-08-24T18:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, but I'm still around -- just really busy. I guess it's good to be busy because it gives me the chance to practice objectivity. Or at least it's a distraction from what I'm really upset about.
So I've had a few events of what we in RI might call "unusual circumstances." I really never found a specific definition of this term. If I had one of my books with me right now, I'd look it up and I apologize in advance for being so vague about it. In my mind, however, unusual circumstances means events that are still trivialities but might not be average everyday occurrences for every single person. For instance, if I have the flu, it's a triviality but still, I don't have the flu every day.
I'll get to the point: so I had some circumstances that to me seemed unusual but not in the realm of the nontriviality. A few people I know were ill and then I had a personal disappointment. I started feeling lowered tones and getting irritable and a little panicky, too. I wanted to avoid letting these symptoms turn into a vicious cycle, so I decided to go to a meeting.
When I walked in the meeting room, several people had already gathered in a circle of chairs. Many of them were familiar faces. It wasn't my usual meeting, although I used to attend it regularly before starting my own meeting. After a few minutes of sitting there, I started to feel better. Giving my own example helped a lot, but listening to the other examples and spotting on those really helped me by becoming more objective. It's so much easier to see temper in someone else than in yourself, but then you find the spots apply to your circumstances -- usual or unusual -- as well.
By the end of the meeting, my lowered tones had vanished and along with it, my irritability as well. I still had to cope with some of the unusual circumstances, but they no longer felt as burdensome.

Eleventh Year Anniversary

2010-07-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

Last May marked the eleventh anniversary of the first Recovery International meeting I attended. Back then, the name of the program was called Recovery, Incorporated. I only attended one meeting in May 1999 and didn't come back again until June of the same year. It took me a while to realize that the tools of Recovery could really help me and that I was not a hopeless case.

That May, I had experienced a relapse of my nervous symptoms. My symptoms included anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings from deep depression (including suicidal symptoms) and hostile outbursts. I could not keep a job for more than a few weeks at a time. During the year prior to my first RI meeting, I had been hospitalized several times (I lost count but it was at least five times) for the above symptoms and even had ECT. After ECT, I felt marginally better and even started dating (I later married the man I was dating), but by May whatever relief I had received from the ECT had faded and I was just as depressed, anxious, and suicidal as before.

A friend from another support group was attending RI meetings and her improvement encouraged me to attend a meeting with her. The problem was, I was so distracted by my symptoms, I had no idea what was going on. (As a leader now, I share this experience with new members who sometimes express their frustration about not understanding the method.) Later that month, I had a relapse and ended up in the hospital for three days. While I was in the hospital, I decided to try RI one more time. Within a week of attending my second meeting, I was able to use the spots I had learned and work down my temper and symptoms.

Since then I've attended meetings regularly for eleven years. For the first two years, I probably attended five to six meetings a week, mostly with the friend who took me to my first meeting and also with my husband. My attendance slowed down a bit after the birth of my son in 2004 and now I lead a local meeting.

Luckily, there are now several online meetings and phone meetings, too, that I can attend should I feel the need to step up my attendance. I hope that anyone reading this who has not attended a RI meeting will sign up for the chat room right now and learn all you can about RI. "Do the thing you fear and dread to do" and "make a business of your mental health." Thanks, RI, for a wonderful eleven years.

When it's hard to spot your temper

2010-04-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

About 10 months ago, I wrote here about trying to conceive (TTC). I realized it's not a triviality, but it I thought the Recovery Method could help me with the nervous symptoms it generated.

Now, I still am TTC with no success. And recently, I had another disappointment. Needless to say, I was worked up, depressed, discouraged. A friend who knows I'm in this program told me to spot, but I just couldn't. Everything just seemed bleak to me.

For three days, I really felt hopeless about the situation. I realized three days is not a long time to feel bad, but since I've been in Recovery, it's been a long time since I've had three solid days of feeling so rotten.

Then I woke up today and felt okay. I could see a ray of light was starting to penetrate the gloom (how's that for tempermental lingo?). Now, I can finally spot on my symptoms and even on the situation itself. I really believe that because of my Recovery training, the symptoms lasted a shorter time and had less of an impact on my behavior. I'm so glad that I didn't give up and give in to the symptoms for very long.

Rediscovering an RI tool

2010-03-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been listening to my collection of audio tapes of the book "Manage your Fears, Manage Your Anger." My husband started listening to them last week after a long hiatus away from the program. I used to listen to them from time to time, but they had gathered quite a bit of dust on the lower shelf of a organizing unit in my bedroom.

Unfortunately, when I bought the tapes more than eight years ago, they weren't on CD. Now, however, they are on CD and RI recorded more than two chapters on most of them, so you don't have to buy so many. My husband called headquarters today and they told him that they just transferred the tapes to the CD format, which means that they're still the original taped lectures given by Dr. Low in the 1950s. Every time I listen to a tape, if I close my eyes (which I don't do if I'm listening to the tapes while I'm driving) I can imagine sitting in the audience in a lecture hall in Chicago almost 60 years ago with Dr. Low at the front of the room, speaking to the group. On some of the tapes, you can even hear automobile horns honking outside the building as Dr. Low is speaking. You can get a real sense of the personality and character of the man just by listening to these lectures.

I think it's great that Recovery International still sells these original recordings to its members. Even if you can't buy the whole series, I think it's worth it just to buy one or two of the CDs so you can experience the program at another level.

Decisions and symptoms

2010-03-09T19:00:00.000-08:00

We were invited to go on a camping trip with a group of families we know. I haven't been camping much (only once since staring a family) and this particular trip would take us outside the realm of modern plumbing and running water. I had a few reservations about going and agonized over it for several days. To top it off, we were invited to two other events that same weekend.
I am terrible about making decisions. I've struggled over decisions about what job to apply for, what job offer to take should I get offered another job later, what to eat for dinner, whether or not to eat dinner, what to wear to a party -- pretty much any decision anyone has had to make at one time or another. Big and little decisions alike throw me aback and cause me to shudder.
Since attending my first Recovery meeting more than 10 years ago, decision making -- while still not on the list of my top 10 things to do -- has become a lot easier. Sometimes I just decide to "do the thing I fear and dread to do," like going camping without access to a flush toilet and running water, and sometimes I "decide, plan and act." Sometimes I just have to bear the discomfort and be group-minded toward my son, who really wants to go camping with his friends and doesn't care about running water. Taking things in part acts really helps me when I have to make major decisions. And if I spot "to know is not to know," I relieve myself of the responsibility of trying to predict the outcome of a decision years into the future.

2010-01-10T13:40:00.000-08:00

So much has happened since the last time I blogged. First of all, happy New Year to everyone out there. If you've never attended a RI meeting but set a resolution to improve your mental health this year, an RI meeting is a great place to learn new coping skills and get the support you need to help yourself. At RI, you'll meet non-judgmental people, all of whom have experienced some type of mental illness or symptoms that interfered with their ability to function in the world. Whether they suffered from what's commonly referred to as "garden variety" nervous symptoms or an illness with label such as "major depression," "bipolar disorder," or "social anxiety disorder," everyone is welcome.

At RI meetings, we don't focus on labels but rather on the everyday events, or trivialities, that upset us. I remember at my first meeting, sharing my particular label and nobody blinked an eye. The meeting wasn't about who was the most ill or had the most complex diagnosis. Instead, it was about learning specific tools that would help us alleviate our nervous symptoms, regardless of their cause.

What really threw me off, however, was that instead of a group of sad-faced, frowning, bitter people sitting in chairs around a circle, people were laughing -- at themselves, of all things. They had learned not to take themselves so seriously. All my life, I had the inability to laugh at my mistakes or my thoughts. If anyone, including my friends, laughed at me, I took it as a great offense. They must hate me, I would think. I never realized I was supposed to laugh along with them. We all make mistakes, and I knew that, but to laugh at them? Never. Not until I attended my first RI meeting did I learn of the healing power of humor.

Today, I'm having a pretty bad day. I feel tired and want to eat a lot of chocolate and sleep. Instead of pampering my feelings and giving in to my impulses of wanting to go back to bed and sleep (notice I didn't mention anything about not eating chocolate), I'm moving my muscles and, most importantly, I'm not taking my symptoms too seriously. Without the training I gained by attending RI meetings, I'd be immobilized by my symptoms. So I urge anyone who is still immobilized by their symptoms to attend a RI meeting, either in person or by phone, or visit the chat room, and start on the road to mental health and well being today.

A Brisk Walk

2009-11-19T16:55:00.000-08:00

During this time of the year, whenever a person goes into a supermarket or store he or she is sure to find a crowd of people rushing around buying food or gifts for the holidays. For me, it is the worst time of the year to go shopping because crowded places seem to bring out my symptoms like nothing else, especially when I have lowered tones.

I already felt the lowered tones coming on and my mind was filled with some dark thoughts, and I really did not want to go to the market today, but I needed some frozen broccoli and some other stuff, so I drove to the store after work. The parking lot was full and the market was crowded. But I practiced objectivity and found the items I needed without any trouble. I had put a banana on the top of some other items in the front of my cart and while I was walking through the vitamin section, it fell off and landed on the floor. When I stopped to pick it up, a women behind me almost crashed into me. I said, not too kindly, "I need to stop and pick this up unless you want to step on it and slip." I don't think she heard me, but I felt I had perhaps entered symbolic victory territory.

On the drive home, I reflected on this (a little reviewing and previewing, maybe) and how cruddy I felt. Then I realized I had not exercised all week. I take a walking class on Mondays, but it was canceled this Monday and I hadn't gone for a walk all week. So, after I finished some of my chores at home, I took a brisk walk. The advice to take a brisk walk appears in many of the books we read at Recovery International meetings. After a few minutes on my walk, I started to feel better and felt my mind clear.

Recent scientific research has proven what Dr. Low knew many years ago: that exercise can help lift the symptoms of mild and moderate depression. So if you have lowered tones or other nervous symptoms, don't forget about the brisk walk. It can be a walk or run, yoga, a bike ride, or whatever other exercise you enjoy and it may help enough so that you can start spotting again.

Setbacks are average; meetings are the antidote

2009-10-27T16:19:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I wrote about how wonderful things are when life is boring. And by boring, I meant having few or no nervous symptoms such as lowered tones, fearful and racing thoughts, fiery imagination and all the other fun symptoms that I experienced and eventually led me to Recovery International.

Well, I'm so thrilled that my life is no longer boring and I am in some kind of setback. It was so bad yesterday, I almost called my psychiatrist -- whom I haven't seen for almost a year -- and made an appointment. Instead of doing that, I should have considered attending a RI meeting.

When I started RI, I probably attended a meeting five or six times a week for about a year. After that first year, I still attended at least three meetings a week for quite a while. I did this for two reasons -- first, my symptoms were so acute, I wanted to go to meetings because they really helped me and second, because my symptoms were so acute, I couldn't work or do much of anything else except attend RI meetings.

Flash forward 10 and half years and my life is totally different. Because of RI, I have obliterated many of the nervous symptoms that once bombarded me like a hail storm. I still have nervous symptoms, but they are milder and shorter acting. Dr. Low talks about his when describing nervous patients versus nervous persons. I'm not categorizing myself, but I do think I've made much progress toward becoming a nervous person.

The irony, however, is that in improving my mental health and reducing my nervous symptoms, I've also improved my life to the point where I can work, take care of my family and even have some semblance of a normal social life, which then leaves less time for meetings. After a while, I start having more symptoms.

So the antidote to my setback is to attend more meetings and, failing that, post more examples on the forum. How simple. Thank you, Recovery International, once again for reminding me to make a business of my mental health.

Boring is okay

2009-10-13T18:34:00.001-07:00

When I signed in to my blog today, I realized how long it's been since I last posted. My life has been pretty routine and, some might say, boring, but that is okay with me. Before I started the Recovery International program, I longed for excitement. But what I really craved were the thrills and chills of temper. Unfortunately, those thrills and chills came with some undesirable side effects in the form of nervous symptoms, including depression, anxiety, panic attacks, irritability. Boy, though, did I have a lot to talk (or should I say complain?) about.

Then there was the imagination on fire. If I was really bored, I'd start imagining all the things that could go wrong with my life or with the world. I have to admit, I still engage my imagination, but when I start to get carried away, I bring myself back to reality by spotting.

Today, instead of looking forward to a lifetime of nervous symptoms or to unrealistic expectations of thrilling excitement, I look forward to the average activities of daily life. This afternoon, I found myself in the kitchen making a salad, a vegetable soup, and baked tofu all at the same time. That was enough excitement for me. And instead of vanity, I felt the realistic pride of taking care of myself and my family by feeding them healthy food that they would enjoy eating.

This reminds me of the spot that "Recovery stands for realism, good common sense, and an unspoiled way of looking at (or viewing) life." I hope everyone has a great week and endorses for all the efforts they make.

Sabotage or setback?

2009-09-26T23:23:00.000-07:00

It's late at night and I should be asleep, not typing this, but I've wanted to get back to this for a while.

A couple of weeks ago, while reading PasUneSainte's blog, I found myself nodding along with the description of comparing oneself to others and "coming out on the losing end." I have angry temper, too, but mostly fearful temper. In the last few weeks, whether I'm at work or writing or posting an entry on a discussion board, I find myself looking at how many people are asking me questions (at work) or how successful and talented other writers are, or how many people are responding to my posts compared to other posts, or how soon people reply to my emails.

For me, comparing myself with others results in a great big wave of fearful temper filling me up like fast running water overfilling a glass pitcher. But in Recovery, we learn that "comparisons are odious and should be avoided." I keep imagining that everyone has conspired against me because they think I'm defective in some way, that something I've written or said or done has offended them or isn't acceptable.

These are the very thoughts that plagued me before I joined Recovery. I know now that I'm just indulging in the favorite pastime of the nervous person -- let's all say it together now -- "self torture." And I'm indulging in the thrills and chills of temper and filling my imagination with insecure thoughts. I want, as most nervous people do, to "be exceptional" but instead I fear I'm not even average.

How do I quell these thoughts? I use the Recovery training I've so graciously been given by all the Recovery members who have come before me. I choose secure thoughts and realize that I do not know what others are thinking about me (or not thinking).

Late to work - at least I have a job

2009-09-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

This morning, I overslept. I don't usually work on Tuesday morning, but I covered for someone else at work, so I had to be there at 10:30 a.m. I rushed to get ready for work (never a good idea, as "rushing leads to tenseness") and arrived at the college where I work 10 minutes early, but then I couldn't find any parking in the staff lot.

I drove in circles, up one level and then the next. All the spots in the staff lot were full and I had to turn around in one of the crowded aisles. I'm not sure at which point I worked myself up, but I think it might have been then. I exited the staff lot and drove to the student lot. As I wound my way up the parking structure, I felt myself getting tense and I kept thinking, "Why isn't there more parking for faculty and staff members? Why are there so many people here today, it's the third week of class?" and "I'm going to be late even though I was here on time; why didn't I try to get here earlier?"

I didn't spot then, but when I got out of the car, I felt myself wanting to run to work. My RI training kicked in and I remembered that rushing leads to tenseness and I commanded my muscles to slowly walk to the elevator and then to work. I had fearful temper because I hadn't left earlier for work and angry temper at the overcrowded parking situation. I endorsed for slowing down and not rushing to work even though I knew I was already 10 minutes late.

Before RI, I would have not even had a job such as this. I was always late to work, even when I could find parking. I would have run to work from the parking lot and been upset when I got there. It would have sent me into a panic and ruined my day.

I know this is an example and I'm not asking for spots here (although you are welcome to spot if you want as it helps). My point in posting this is that I want others to see (and I'm hoping some new or non-Recoveryites are out there) that RI helps us manage the symptoms we get when faced with these annoying inconveniences of daily life.

Reminder Symptoms

2009-09-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I will celebrate a birthday soon and mark more than 10 years of Recovery training as well in just a few days. When I came into Recovery in June 1999 I was overweight, chronically depressed, anxious and irritable. Each day, I took several medications for these and other nervous symptoms. I didn't think life had anything good in store for me and each day passed in a bland sort of misery.

In the last 10 years, my life has improved in untold ways, mainly because of what I've learned in all those Recovery meetings I've attended plus the Recovery books and from the wisdom of the veteran members, those I've met and those from the early days of RI. And most of my days now are almost symptom free, or if I have symptoms, I spot on them and they're gone.

Sometimes, though, they hang on and right now is one of those times. I'm going through some unusual events, which probably accounts for their tenacity. In RI, we learn that what's experienced seems worse than what's remembered, so if I have symptoms now, they seem worse than the ones I had years ago, even if they're mild now. Another secure thought I like is that return of the symtoms doesn't mean a return of the illness (I didn't put this in quotes because I don't have the book in front of me and didn't want to misquote it, but I've heard and seen several variations of it in meetings and in the books).

So I'll keep endorsing for my efforts, attend meetings, spot my temper, and practice, practice, practice.

"The Wisdom of Dr. Low"

2009-08-27T14:48:00.000-07:00

I just purchased a copy of the latest RI book, "The Wisdom of Dr. Low: Words to Live By." This great resource has frequently-used and not so frequently used spots and quotations heard at Recovery meetings from four of Dr. Low's books. So, while at a meeting you might hear someone spot "the passion for self-distrust," you can open the book to the section on averageness, and read the sentences that precede it and put it into context. Plus, it gives readers the book and page from which the quotation originates. It also has quotes from "My Dear Ones," a biography about Dr. Low written by Neil and Margaret Rau.

Whether you are new to Recovery or a veteran member, this resource is great because it organizes the quotations by topic, including averageness, beliefs, depression, obsessions, panic, self-diagnosis, self-help, sleep, temper, and trivialities, just to name a few. And it gives members insight into the program. I'd suggest that anyone who wants a refresher on the program or just wants to read a quote a day from Dr. Low get a copy of this book. Of course, it's not a substitute for reading the books themselves as the books are rich with the philosophy of the method as well as numerous examples of how it can be applied.

Long-time RI member, Cliff Brown, helped compile the various quotations that comprise the book. Thanks Cliff, for all your work on this.

Trivialities that used to make me fall apart

2009-08-25T16:19:00.001-07:00

Today started out great. I got to sleep in until 9 a.m. I had a fairly peaceful morning with my son, who finally got enough sleep himself to be agreeable and let me brush his teeth and dress him for a field trip to an ice skating rink he was going to later in the day with his father. He even asked for oatmeal this morning for breakfast and ate most of it.

Well, I have to expect to be disappointed or expect frustration, right? That's an important RI principle. I should have been expecting a load of frustration, but I went along blithely, expecting nothing but ease and comfort. Ha!

My husband had to call the computer company to once again report that our brand new computer doesn't work. That took time, so my son and husband left almost an hour later than scheduled. They left and I sighed and thought, "Now I have the house to myself for a couple hours and can finish the laundry, do some writing, clean the kitchen, exercise."

I checked my email and went downstairs about an hour later and saw my son's lunch still sitting on the kitchen counter. In former days, I would have exploded and called my husband, yelling at him and accusing him of negligence. I can't say I didn't have some unkind thoughts about it, but I pulled another RI spot out of my tool kit and "dropped the judgment" against him (and myself for not reminding him to take it). But I still had to deliver the lunch and leave earlier for work than I originally planned. I decided to be group minded and call my husband and just drop off the lunch, but I felt impelled to rush, which is something RI teaches us to avoid, as it "leads to tenseness," which creates temper and symptoms.

Instead of driving like I was in the Indy 500 to the skating rink, I drove the speed limit and got there in about 15 minutes. I also arrived at work on time, which was amazing considering the traffic. But I still felt some tenseness and lowered tones. Luckily, I've learned in RI, that my symptoms (tenseness included) are "distressing but not dangerous" and they would disappear if I didn't attach any danger to them.

I know before attending RI meetings and learning the method, I would have blown up not only at my husband, but at myself as well. I would have been obnoxious the rest of the day, too. Whew, thank you Recovery, International.

Great online resource for your mental health

2009-08-11T16:07:00.000-07:00

I was moping around last night after waiting around all afternoon for a return phone call I didn't get (the person called this morning - yeah!), and it wasn't until late at night and I was in bed that I remembered I could have posted an example on Recovery International's Example Forum. I also could have called another RI member and given a five-minute phone call, but it was too late.

The Example Forum lets users (you do have to sign up but it is free) post examples in the four-step format and then receive spots from other users. It isn't in real time, but I find it somewhat cathartic just to write my example and know that someone else will offer some feedback, Recovery style, even if it's a day or two later. Plus, I read other example and spot on them and it's amazing how much better it makes me feel.

If you're completely new to RI, you can visit their other forums as well, including the Q & A Forum, the General Discussion Forum, and the RI website. The website offers an explaination of the Recovery International Method, the tools and terms associated with it, and guidance on how to give an example, plus more.

So, when your ready to dive in to RI, just visit www.recovery-inc.org. You'll find the forums under the Meetings tab. And keep endorsing. It'll make you feel better, especially if you make a habit of it.

Change is never easy

2009-08-04T17:36:00.000-07:00

Especially for a nervous person such as myself. One particular RI spot that is embedded into my consciousness is that "nervous people don't like change."

Two of our family friends might be moving. One friend might move out of the country and another, just across town. My son loves to play with the kids from both families and I don't make friends all that easily.

So I felt unsettled by the news. I knew, for a few minutes, that they were moving all because of me (fearful temper), and I thought, "How dare they leave?" (angry temper). I was genuinely annoyed and really only thought about how it would affect me if they moved. This self-centeredness is a great example of "taking my own dear self too seriously," another fitting RI spot.

Over the years in RI, I've learned I cannot control the outer environment and that there is no danger in change - oftentimes it leads to something better. I took lots of secure thoughts that we'll still see the family who is moving across town and, as for the family moving to another county, well, there's email.

Distressing but not dangerous news

2009-07-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

Today is a great day. When I woke up it was overcast, a nice reprieve from the heat wave we've had here in Southern California. By now, however, the fog has burned off and the sun is shining mercilessly outside.

I'm having a difficult time coming up with a blog title today. I finally reached my doctor by phone - no small miracle - but he reaffirmed what he told me before. I don't deal with any type of bad news well, so I decided to draw upon my Recovery training to get me through this and keep my nervous symptoms to a minimum. Plus, I have my meeting tonight and I can give an example (about any symptoms I may have, that is), if I need to.

Fertility problems are pretty average for women in their 40s, so I can even see this as a triviality to some degree. And I can look at the total view, that I already have a child and he's a pretty wonderful kid. As long as I change insecure thoughts for secure ones, I can avoid those troublesome nervous symptoms, like panic attacks, lower tones (which is what we in RI call depression, effectively removing the danger from the symptoms -- I mean, if you say, "I'm depressed," it's a diagnosis and it often connotes danger), and obsessive thoughts.

In our RI meetings, at the end of each example, we share what our reactions would have been before our RI training. This is an objective way to measure how well RI is working for us even though we may not see it. I know before learning the Recovery method, I'd have been obsessing about this for days, perhaps weeks, unable to focus on work or my daily obligations at home. The really cool thing about RI is that you can use it for really small trivialities, but it also helps with the bigger things in life, too. At least, that's my experience.

Playing phone tag is trivial but annoying

2009-07-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

Last week, I wrote about a medical issue that has aspects of a nontriviality. However, there are certainly some events that are trivial and routine that are connected with the original problem.

In my case, I emailed the doctor with some questions about my problem, and he called me back but just left a message. Then I tried the next day and he was out until Monday. Finally, I emailed him again, but I missed his reply that told me to call later that day. By this time, I was really frustrated and it was 2 a.m., which meant there was not much I could do about it. I applied my RI training and decided to email him again saying to please call me on my cell phone. I left the number. So instead, he called me at my home phone and left a message.

Ugh. By this time I was anxious and irritated. So I again used my RI training and spotted that there was no danger, that I'd eventually reach him, and that I could bear the discomfort of missing his call. These are all spots, or slogans, that I've learned in RI meetings over the last 10 years. I practiced being objective by focusing on what I was doing rather than obsessing on the fact that I've missed all the doctor's calls.

I felt a little better. I was angry at the doctor for not calling me on my cell phone, but I spotted (or noticed) how average it is for people to not read an email word for word. Without RI, I'd be screaming at everyone and trying to make others as unhappy as I felt. I'd be depressed about missing all the doctor's calls and feel hopeless. I really think that RI can help anyone who has a tendency to get upset over missed phone calls and other frustrations that plague normal people on a regular basis.

Another vital principle I've learned in RI is that everyone (doctors, friends, spouses, children, parents, employers, and so on) is outer environment. That means I cannot control other people, no matter how hard I might try or wish. Really, only four components comprise the inner environment, according to RI. These are feelings, sensations, thoughts and impulses. And out of these four things, only two -- thoughts and impulses -- can either be acted upon or ignored by us. So, no matter how much I want my doctor to return my call when I'm available, I cannot control him and make him do it. Oh well.

When a sort of non-triviality happens

2009-07-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

In Recovery International, we talk mainly about the everyday events that upset us and give us nervous symptoms. In RI terminology, theses events are considered "trivialities." For example, if my boss tells me I need to work overtime, if a clerk at the store is rude to me, if I have to wait a long time on hold while making a phone call, these are all considered trivialities. Most things that happen to us each day are trivial, according the the RI Web site: http://www.recovery-inc.org/system/recovery-international-language.asp. And depending on what meeting you attend, you could give an example on the trivial aspects of a non-triviality. So if you're involved in a divorce, you may give an example on being nervous over opening a letter you've received from your attorney, or if you have a medical problem, you could give an example about waiting for a prescription. At some meetings, the leader might let you give an example about waiting for the results of a routine blood test, although here you might be on shaky ground about whether this is a triviality. And I believe that you can always use the principles of RI in every situation in life to act in a calm, reflective manner and avoid panic. Even in an emergency, it helps if you avoid panicking.

My entire point in discussing this is because last week my DH and I visited the doctor to see about having a second child and the doctor told us I might be too old based on a blood test I took last year. Naturally, I was upset about this and cried a bit. Today, I took the blood test again and now have to wait a day or two for the results. So I have some anxiety over waiting, but RI gives us the tool that we can wait with reflective calm. So instead of obsessing over what the result might be and checking my insurance's web site every hour to see if the results have been posted, I'm changing my thoughts from insecure thoughts (such as, "I know it's going to be bad") to the secure thought (that I really don't know what the future will be - in RI we would say, "to know is not to know").

If you're new to RI or have just come across this post randomly but are intrigued by the idea that you can change your thoughts and deal with the problems of daily life without going completely nuts, I'd suggest visiting the Recovery International web site, which is at http://www.recovery-inc.org/.

How RI helped me

2009-07-14T11:49:00.000-07:00

For the last 10 years, I've used the Recovery, International method of self-help to keep the symptoms associated with my mental problems manageable. When I attended my first RI meeting, I was taking several psych meds -- a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, a major and minor tranquilizer, and sleeping medication -- each day to help me function. Problem was, none of them helped me much at all. All I seemed to get from them were side effects, including weight gain (about 40 pounds total), restlessness and agitation, dry mouth, nightmares, and dry skin to name just a few. I've spoken to other people who took medication and were helped by it, but I wasn't. I tried different medications and got some relief for maybe a week or month, and then I had panic attacks again and was overwhelmed by a deep depression. I felt completely hopeless and life became a sort of drudgery.

Just a few months before I attended my first RI meeting, I consented to electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) because I had been in and out of the hospital for severe depression several times during the year and just wanted the emotional pain to end. After 12 treatments, my doctor released me from the hospital, along with a throbbing headache. A week later, I was depressed again, but I trudged along the best I could, attending an adult day program with other mental patients.

What a great life, huh? I finally heard about RI from a friend in another self-help program and figured it couldn't hurt to try it. That was the best decision I ever made. From the first meeting, I learned that my nervous symptoms (anxiety, suicidal feelings, depression, insomnia) were "distressing but not dangerous." What a concept! After my second meeting, I repeated that mantra over and over again whenever I felt out of control.

I won't say that the last ten years or so have been problem free, but, little by little, I've recovered my mental health. I've gone on to earn a master's degree and work at a job I enjoy. When I do have what we in RI call a "setback," I step-up my meeting attendance. I also lead a meeting, which helps me as much (or more perhaps) as the members who attend.

In RI, we have a saying that once we were nervous patients but now we are nervous people. So in a sense, I've graduated from being a nervous patient to a nervous person. I'll always have symptoms, but they are much less severe than before. In my blog, I hope to document the ways I use RI to cope with everyday life problems and disappointments. I also hope to encourage other people suffering from emotional problems to try RI or another self-help program and see how it can help. Life is too short to suffer in silence. Have a great day.

Life is funny

2009-07-09T01:05:00.000-07:00

I've a confession to make: I've been a nervous wreck most of my life - at least since I was a child. So I've started this blog help other people who call themselves nervous or neurotic or just a little crazy see the funny side of life, the humor in it all. Maybe we can learn to laugh at ourselves. I know when I did, my life got better. Maybe it will help us become better people or at least enjoy life a little more.

It wasn't until I was 30 years old that I started to learn how to laugh at my nervous symptoms. And I had plenty of them! I was depressed, almost daily it seemed. Life seemed bleak, hopeless, endlessly unpleasant. I got mad, really mad, screaming mad, almost every day. Everyone and everything irritated me: bad drivers, bad traffic, rude salespeople and customer service call center employees, my friends (the few that I had), my employers and coworkers (when I had a job). I found little to be funny in life. If you told me to smile, I wanted to wipe any smile you might possess off your face. At the least, I might growl at you.

But when I was about 30 years old, my life changed. I made friends with someone who was attending a cognitive-behavioral self-help group. This program had been around for more than 60 years. Developed by a neuropsychiatrist in Chicago in the 1930s, Recovery, Incorporated (as it was known at the time) taught people suffering from nervous conditions, from simple neurosis to severe mental disorders, how to live with and manage their symptoms, including anxiety, low self-esteem, depression. It was in this program that I learned how humor can help reduce these symptoms.

So, here I am more than 10 years later, living live and trying to use humor and other techniques in the events of my daily life. I'll talk more about this later. But I just want to welcome everyone for now.