Today is a great day. When I woke up it was overcast, a nice reprieve from the heat wave we've had here in Southern California. By now, however, the fog has burned off and the sun is shining mercilessly outside.
I'm having a difficult time coming up with a blog title today. I finally reached my doctor by phone - no small miracle - but he reaffirmed what he told me before. I don't deal with any type of bad news well, so I decided to draw upon my Recovery training to get me through this and keep my nervous symptoms to a minimum. Plus, I have my meeting tonight and I can give an example (about any symptoms I may have, that is), if I need to.
Fertility problems are pretty average for women in their 40s, so I can even see this as a triviality to some degree. And I can look at the total view, that I already have a child and he's a pretty wonderful kid. As long as I change insecure thoughts for secure ones, I can avoid those troublesome nervous symptoms, like panic attacks, lower tones (which is what we in RI call depression, effectively removing the danger from the symptoms -- I mean, if you say, "I'm depressed," it's a diagnosis and it often connotes danger), and obsessive thoughts.
In our RI meetings, at the end of each example, we share what our reactions would have been before our RI training. This is an objective way to measure how well RI is working for us even though we may not see it. I know before learning the Recovery method, I'd have been obsessing about this for days, perhaps weeks, unable to focus on work or my daily obligations at home. The really cool thing about RI is that you can use it for really small trivialities, but it also helps with the bigger things in life, too. At least, that's my experience.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Playing phone tag is trivial but annoying
Last week, I wrote about a medical issue that has aspects of a nontriviality. However, there are certainly some events that are trivial and routine that are connected with the original problem.
In my case, I emailed the doctor with some questions about my problem, and he called me back but just left a message. Then I tried the next day and he was out until Monday. Finally, I emailed him again, but I missed his reply that told me to call later that day. By this time, I was really frustrated and it was 2 a.m., which meant there was not much I could do about it. I applied my RI training and decided to email him again saying to please call me on my cell phone. I left the number. So instead, he called me at my home phone and left a message.
Ugh. By this time I was anxious and irritated. So I again used my RI training and spotted that there was no danger, that I'd eventually reach him, and that I could bear the discomfort of missing his call. These are all spots, or slogans, that I've learned in RI meetings over the last 10 years. I practiced being objective by focusing on what I was doing rather than obsessing on the fact that I've missed all the doctor's calls.
I felt a little better. I was angry at the doctor for not calling me on my cell phone, but I spotted (or noticed) how average it is for people to not read an email word for word. Without RI, I'd be screaming at everyone and trying to make others as unhappy as I felt. I'd be depressed about missing all the doctor's calls and feel hopeless. I really think that RI can help anyone who has a tendency to get upset over missed phone calls and other frustrations that plague normal people on a regular basis.
Another vital principle I've learned in RI is that everyone (doctors, friends, spouses, children, parents, employers, and so on) is outer environment. That means I cannot control other people, no matter how hard I might try or wish. Really, only four components comprise the inner environment, according to RI. These are feelings, sensations, thoughts and impulses. And out of these four things, only two -- thoughts and impulses -- can either be acted upon or ignored by us. So, no matter how much I want my doctor to return my call when I'm available, I cannot control him and make him do it. Oh well.
In my case, I emailed the doctor with some questions about my problem, and he called me back but just left a message. Then I tried the next day and he was out until Monday. Finally, I emailed him again, but I missed his reply that told me to call later that day. By this time, I was really frustrated and it was 2 a.m., which meant there was not much I could do about it. I applied my RI training and decided to email him again saying to please call me on my cell phone. I left the number. So instead, he called me at my home phone and left a message.
Ugh. By this time I was anxious and irritated. So I again used my RI training and spotted that there was no danger, that I'd eventually reach him, and that I could bear the discomfort of missing his call. These are all spots, or slogans, that I've learned in RI meetings over the last 10 years. I practiced being objective by focusing on what I was doing rather than obsessing on the fact that I've missed all the doctor's calls.
I felt a little better. I was angry at the doctor for not calling me on my cell phone, but I spotted (or noticed) how average it is for people to not read an email word for word. Without RI, I'd be screaming at everyone and trying to make others as unhappy as I felt. I'd be depressed about missing all the doctor's calls and feel hopeless. I really think that RI can help anyone who has a tendency to get upset over missed phone calls and other frustrations that plague normal people on a regular basis.
Another vital principle I've learned in RI is that everyone (doctors, friends, spouses, children, parents, employers, and so on) is outer environment. That means I cannot control other people, no matter how hard I might try or wish. Really, only four components comprise the inner environment, according to RI. These are feelings, sensations, thoughts and impulses. And out of these four things, only two -- thoughts and impulses -- can either be acted upon or ignored by us. So, no matter how much I want my doctor to return my call when I'm available, I cannot control him and make him do it. Oh well.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
When a sort of non-triviality happens
In Recovery International, we talk mainly about the everyday events that upset us and give us nervous symptoms. In RI terminology, theses events are considered "trivialities." For example, if my boss tells me I need to work overtime, if a clerk at the store is rude to me, if I have to wait a long time on hold while making a phone call, these are all considered trivialities. Most things that happen to us each day are trivial, according the the RI Web site: http://www.recovery-inc.org/system/recovery-international-language.asp. And depending on what meeting you attend, you could give an example on the trivial aspects of a non-triviality. So if you're involved in a divorce, you may give an example on being nervous over opening a letter you've received from your attorney, or if you have a medical problem, you could give an example about waiting for a prescription. At some meetings, the leader might let you give an example about waiting for the results of a routine blood test, although here you might be on shaky ground about whether this is a triviality. And I believe that you can always use the principles of RI in every situation in life to act in a calm, reflective manner and avoid panic. Even in an emergency, it helps if you avoid panicking.
My entire point in discussing this is because last week my DH and I visited the doctor to see about having a second child and the doctor told us I might be too old based on a blood test I took last year. Naturally, I was upset about this and cried a bit. Today, I took the blood test again and now have to wait a day or two for the results. So I have some anxiety over waiting, but RI gives us the tool that we can wait with reflective calm. So instead of obsessing over what the result might be and checking my insurance's web site every hour to see if the results have been posted, I'm changing my thoughts from insecure thoughts (such as, "I know it's going to be bad") to the secure thought (that I really don't know what the future will be - in RI we would say, "to know is not to know").
If you're new to RI or have just come across this post randomly but are intrigued by the idea that you can change your thoughts and deal with the problems of daily life without going completely nuts, I'd suggest visiting the Recovery International web site, which is at http://www.recovery-inc.org/.
My entire point in discussing this is because last week my DH and I visited the doctor to see about having a second child and the doctor told us I might be too old based on a blood test I took last year. Naturally, I was upset about this and cried a bit. Today, I took the blood test again and now have to wait a day or two for the results. So I have some anxiety over waiting, but RI gives us the tool that we can wait with reflective calm. So instead of obsessing over what the result might be and checking my insurance's web site every hour to see if the results have been posted, I'm changing my thoughts from insecure thoughts (such as, "I know it's going to be bad") to the secure thought (that I really don't know what the future will be - in RI we would say, "to know is not to know").
If you're new to RI or have just come across this post randomly but are intrigued by the idea that you can change your thoughts and deal with the problems of daily life without going completely nuts, I'd suggest visiting the Recovery International web site, which is at http://www.recovery-inc.org/.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
How RI helped me
For the last 10 years, I've used the Recovery, International method of self-help to keep the symptoms associated with my mental problems manageable. When I attended my first RI meeting, I was taking several psych meds -- a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, a major and minor tranquilizer, and sleeping medication -- each day to help me function. Problem was, none of them helped me much at all. All I seemed to get from them were side effects, including weight gain (about 40 pounds total), restlessness and agitation, dry mouth, nightmares, and dry skin to name just a few. I've spoken to other people who took medication and were helped by it, but I wasn't. I tried different medications and got some relief for maybe a week or month, and then I had panic attacks again and was overwhelmed by a deep depression. I felt completely hopeless and life became a sort of drudgery.
Just a few months before I attended my first RI meeting, I consented to electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) because I had been in and out of the hospital for severe depression several times during the year and just wanted the emotional pain to end. After 12 treatments, my doctor released me from the hospital, along with a throbbing headache. A week later, I was depressed again, but I trudged along the best I could, attending an adult day program with other mental patients.
What a great life, huh? I finally heard about RI from a friend in another self-help program and figured it couldn't hurt to try it. That was the best decision I ever made. From the first meeting, I learned that my nervous symptoms (anxiety, suicidal feelings, depression, insomnia) were "distressing but not dangerous." What a concept! After my second meeting, I repeated that mantra over and over again whenever I felt out of control.
I won't say that the last ten years or so have been problem free, but, little by little, I've recovered my mental health. I've gone on to earn a master's degree and work at a job I enjoy. When I do have what we in RI call a "setback," I step-up my meeting attendance. I also lead a meeting, which helps me as much (or more perhaps) as the members who attend.
In RI, we have a saying that once we were nervous patients but now we are nervous people. So in a sense, I've graduated from being a nervous patient to a nervous person. I'll always have symptoms, but they are much less severe than before. In my blog, I hope to document the ways I use RI to cope with everyday life problems and disappointments. I also hope to encourage other people suffering from emotional problems to try RI or another self-help program and see how it can help. Life is too short to suffer in silence. Have a great day.
Just a few months before I attended my first RI meeting, I consented to electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) because I had been in and out of the hospital for severe depression several times during the year and just wanted the emotional pain to end. After 12 treatments, my doctor released me from the hospital, along with a throbbing headache. A week later, I was depressed again, but I trudged along the best I could, attending an adult day program with other mental patients.
What a great life, huh? I finally heard about RI from a friend in another self-help program and figured it couldn't hurt to try it. That was the best decision I ever made. From the first meeting, I learned that my nervous symptoms (anxiety, suicidal feelings, depression, insomnia) were "distressing but not dangerous." What a concept! After my second meeting, I repeated that mantra over and over again whenever I felt out of control.
I won't say that the last ten years or so have been problem free, but, little by little, I've recovered my mental health. I've gone on to earn a master's degree and work at a job I enjoy. When I do have what we in RI call a "setback," I step-up my meeting attendance. I also lead a meeting, which helps me as much (or more perhaps) as the members who attend.
In RI, we have a saying that once we were nervous patients but now we are nervous people. So in a sense, I've graduated from being a nervous patient to a nervous person. I'll always have symptoms, but they are much less severe than before. In my blog, I hope to document the ways I use RI to cope with everyday life problems and disappointments. I also hope to encourage other people suffering from emotional problems to try RI or another self-help program and see how it can help. Life is too short to suffer in silence. Have a great day.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Life is funny
I've a confession to make: I've been a nervous wreck most of my life - at least since I was a child. So I've started this blog help other people who call themselves nervous or neurotic or just a little crazy see the funny side of life, the humor in it all. Maybe we can learn to laugh at ourselves. I know when I did, my life got better. Maybe it will help us become better people or at least enjoy life a little more.
It wasn't until I was 30 years old that I started to learn how to laugh at my nervous symptoms. And I had plenty of them! I was depressed, almost daily it seemed. Life seemed bleak, hopeless, endlessly unpleasant. I got mad, really mad, screaming mad, almost every day. Everyone and everything irritated me: bad drivers, bad traffic, rude salespeople and customer service call center employees, my friends (the few that I had), my employers and coworkers (when I had a job). I found little to be funny in life. If you told me to smile, I wanted to wipe any smile you might possess off your face. At the least, I might growl at you.
But when I was about 30 years old, my life changed. I made friends with someone who was attending a cognitive-behavioral self-help group. This program had been around for more than 60 years. Developed by a neuropsychiatrist in Chicago in the 1930s, Recovery, Incorporated (as it was known at the time) taught people suffering from nervous conditions, from simple neurosis to severe mental disorders, how to live with and manage their symptoms, including anxiety, low self-esteem, depression. It was in this program that I learned how humor can help reduce these symptoms.
So, here I am more than 10 years later, living live and trying to use humor and other techniques in the events of my daily life. I'll talk more about this later. But I just want to welcome everyone for now.
It wasn't until I was 30 years old that I started to learn how to laugh at my nervous symptoms. And I had plenty of them! I was depressed, almost daily it seemed. Life seemed bleak, hopeless, endlessly unpleasant. I got mad, really mad, screaming mad, almost every day. Everyone and everything irritated me: bad drivers, bad traffic, rude salespeople and customer service call center employees, my friends (the few that I had), my employers and coworkers (when I had a job). I found little to be funny in life. If you told me to smile, I wanted to wipe any smile you might possess off your face. At the least, I might growl at you.
But when I was about 30 years old, my life changed. I made friends with someone who was attending a cognitive-behavioral self-help group. This program had been around for more than 60 years. Developed by a neuropsychiatrist in Chicago in the 1930s, Recovery, Incorporated (as it was known at the time) taught people suffering from nervous conditions, from simple neurosis to severe mental disorders, how to live with and manage their symptoms, including anxiety, low self-esteem, depression. It was in this program that I learned how humor can help reduce these symptoms.
So, here I am more than 10 years later, living live and trying to use humor and other techniques in the events of my daily life. I'll talk more about this later. But I just want to welcome everyone for now.
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